Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
