I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
