so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Where is the hickey?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Why is your signature on my underwear?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I pour the whiskey from now on
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize