1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
