Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
