they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
