she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
