Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
