Sry I called you an 8
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize