Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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