please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
