bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
