Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
