it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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