better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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