I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
