She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Randomize
