my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize