the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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