just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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