My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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