No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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