I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
