okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
