please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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