SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
