I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize