i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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