I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
pray to the hookup gods
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
