Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
