you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
