Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
