There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
