Need sex. Gaining weight.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize