i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
