No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
