i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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