yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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