I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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