He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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