oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
