I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
