i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
