Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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