"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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