Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
