Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
