If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
