Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
