who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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