My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
