It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I believe in your delicious
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
