So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize