i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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