allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
