3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
