; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize