so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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