so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
