is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
