Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
