o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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