worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
