I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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