i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Naked. naked and bneed help.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
