Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
