I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
