she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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