Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
