in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
wat bout pragnant strippers??
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
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