there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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