her vagine was all disorganized.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
