Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
