We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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