everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
