it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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