i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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