so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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