Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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