Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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