the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
