The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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