Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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