I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
