I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Randomize
