Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
