you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
