Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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