They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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