i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
