did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
my poor anus
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
