You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize