bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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