and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
