I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
