Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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