I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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