Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
