We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
