I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
