how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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