i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
