I think scott just propositioned me for sex
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
