Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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