hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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