He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
a search helicopter?!
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize