I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I forgot wine drunk hurts
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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