he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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