I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
