Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
is that a dick in a sweater?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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