You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
