I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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