I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
how drunk are you?
Several
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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